


Angels in Toyland

by Cheryl1964



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheryl1964/pseuds/Cheryl1964
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck decides to punish the angels for the Apocalypse by turning them into toys and giving them to the Weechesters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Punishment

"Father, you jest!" Michael gasped as Chuck sat back in his chair after delivering his news.

"No Michael I have decided that your punishment fit the crime. I left and the lot of you couldn't wait to 'show your asses' as the humans say." Chuck said sipping on a tumbler of bourbon. "You toyed with the lives of the Winchesters and now it's their turn to toy with you."

Gabriel cautiously lifted his hand. "Um, in my defense, I did die for them."

"I have taken that into account. That is why you will be a plushie instead of a toy soldier." Chuck nodded.

"But I wasn't even in heaven!" Lucifer sputtered. "I was locked in the cage for most of it!"

"It didn't stop you from meddling Lucifer. Azazel was taking his orders from you." Chuck said firmly. "You are just as guilty as the rest of the angels involved. Consider yourself blessed that you are not sharing Zachariah, Metatron, and Uriel's fate. I understand that Whack-a-mole is very popular in arcades."

Neither Gabriel nor Balthazar could keep amused snorts from escaping at the visual of Zachariah constantly popping up out of a hole and getting hit in the head with a plastic hammer. Chuck turned a glare on the two that quickly silenced them.

"I am locking down your grace so that you won't be tempted to use it. Castiel will watch over you during your punishment. You can still listen in and speak to each other by angel radio, but that is the extent of your power. I suggest that you all come to appreciate what the Winchesters experienced at your hands."


	2. Christmas Morning

John and Mary Winchester were rudely awakened by an excited four year old Dean bouncing on the bed.

"Wake up! It's Chrithmas!" Dean lisped. "Santa Caus came and he left presents!"

"Okay honey, we're up." Mary said with a smile. "Go on in the living room. We'll be there to open presents after we get Sammy."

John watched Dean leave before stretching and yawning. "How long do we have to do this again? Santa just fell asleep."

Mary leaned over and gave him a kiss. "John you know you love it, and Dean is so excited. In a couple of years Sam will be old enough to understand and we'll have two excited kids bouncing on the bed Christmas morning. Now go help Dean while I get Sammy."

* * *

John dug in the back of the tree finding two boxes that he did not remember putting under the tree, one for Sammy and one for Dean. John shook his head knowing that Samuel, Deanna and his own father Henry went out of their way to spoil their grandsons. "Two more for the boys!"

John shook his head at the sight of seven month old Sammy sitting on a blanket ignoring his gifts, preferring to play with the brightly colored paper. Handing Dean the box with his name on it sat down in front of Sam to help him unwrap the last gift.

"Yay! I got G.I. Joe and Cobra!" Dean held up the two 12 inch action figures which were in reality the Archangels Michael and Lucifer. It took no time at all for the young boy to begin knocking them into each other as he imagined them battling each other in a fight for world domination.

John Grinned at his older son as he unwrapped and opened Sam's box pulling out a stuffed platypus with gold eyes and angel wings. John placed the toy in Sam's grabby hands and sam immediately stuffed a wing into his mouth and began gnawing on it.

Castiel chuckled from his spot where he stood invisible to the human's as his brothers complained loudly. Gabriel was begging for someone to stop Sam from using his wings for a teething ring; and Michael and Lucifer were complaining of headaches from having their head constantly banging together. Castiel glanced to the top of the Christmas tree where Balthazar grinned down at the others.

 _"Well, at least I only have to put up with a couple of weeks a year of having the top of a pine tree shoved up my ass."_  Balthazar chuckled _. "They get to go through that 365 days a year. I got off lucky!"_


	3. A trip to Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie

Fortunately, or unfortunately if you happened to be an angel, the Weechesters loved their new toys to distraction; which is why the archangels Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel were now in the backseat of the Impala heading to Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie for Dean's 5th birthday party.

Michael sniggered as Sammy tossed Gabriel over the seat in front of him again. Lucifer simply scowled at the passing scenery.

_"How much longer do you think we have to be subjected to this humiliation?"_  Lucifer asked.

_"Until Father decides that we have all learned our lessons."_  Michael answered.  _"Hopefully it will be soon."_

_"Speak for yourself."_  Gabriel said as Mary turned to hand him back to Sammy _. "Landing in Mommy Winchester's lap every five minutes almost makes it worth it._  Sam grabbed him by the wing and began waving his arms around banging the plushie into every available surface within reach of his little arms.  _"Ouch! Ow. Stop it you underdeveloped yeti! This part I can do without!"_

_"And Balthazar gets stuck in the attic until next Christmas to enjoy months of peace and quiet."_ Lucifer whined.  _"It's not fair!"_

_"Perhaps you should reevaluate your opinion after Dean's birthday party."_ Castiel's voice cut in.  _"You may consider yourselves blessed after seeing how the others fare in their punishments."_  Castiel suggested as Sam tossed Gabriel over the seat again.

* * *

"Look honey, they have a whack-a-mole machine." John pulled out a token and held his hands out for Sam. "I think Sammy's big enough for this one with a little help."

_"Ooh, Daddy W. is getting ready to play Whack-a-mole_." Gabriel giggled.  _"Wow! I've never seen a bald mole before! How's the head feeling there Zach?"_

Sam giggled and drooled as John continued hitting the Zachariah mole popping up from the machine.

_"Yeah Kiddo, I'm enjoying watching your old man whack Zack too."_  Gabriel said happily.  _"And you're not banging me on everything in sight."_  Gabriel paused for a moment.  _"Whoa! That came out wrong."_

_"Gabriel could you try to keep the innuendo down at least until he reaches puberty?"_  Lucifer chuckled as Dean came running over.

"I wanna whack the mole too Daddy!" Dean said as he hopped up and down.

Mary smiled at her oldest and took the two archangels from him. "There's another machine right here." She produced a token and slid it into the machine while Dean did his best to hit the Metatron mole popping up out of the hole. Dean's aim wasn't that great but he still managed to get in a few good whacks while the archangels all laughed. It didn't take long for a redheaded girl to make her way over to the machines and put a token in the third one.

Dean watched as the girl smacked her Uriel mole. She was pretty good at it for a girl. Soon the two were talking like kids do and Dean Begged his parents to let Charlie join them for the cake and ice cream.

_"Look Mikey! Your vessel was a womanizer from the womb!"_  Lucifer noted.

Michael just turned a casual glance at his brother and then went back to watching the seraphs take their licks.

_"Not like he's going to get anywhere with that one."_  Gabriel noted.  _"Charlie Bradbury doesn't like hot dogs."_


	4. Singer Auto Salvage

Bobby Singer smiled as he opened the door and ushered in the Winchester family. Bobby and John had become fast friends when John had been searching for a carburetor for an old Chevy Be lair. After hours on the phone calling around the country, John had finally located one at Singer Auto Salvage. John had driven to Sioux Falls to pick up the part and the two had become fast friends.

Now years later, John had 55 Ford short bed in the garage in need of a clutch assembly. While Bobby didn't have one on hand, he had a lead on one. John figured a vacation would do them all good before Dean started kindergarten and had packed his family into the car to make the trip. Bobby letting drop that Karen had yet to meet Sammy weighed in on the decision too.

Karen hearing the commotion came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "Mary! Oh he is just too precious!" Karen said making her way over to pinch Sam's cheek making him immediately use his well-loved plushie to give the woman a whack. Dean on the other hand was settled on the porch with his GI Joe and Cobra figures imagining a battlefield.

"That boy sure loves his dolls." Bobby noted.

"GI Joes!" Dean countered, "Not dolls. Girls play with dolls!"

_"You tell him kid."_  Lucifer prompted.

_"Ha-ha. Singer called you a couple of dolls."_  Gabriel teased.  _"You going to play dress up and have a tea party now?"_

Sam had toddled out onto the porch on his chubby little legs before falling down onto his butt and reaching for Lucifer.

_"See I have a loyal vessel, he wants me."_  Lucifer added as Sam tossed his plushie down the steps onto the ground.

After a few seconds Sam started to cry since no one was giving him back his little stuffed platypus. Mary glanced at the children and then noticed the toy on the ground. She hurried down to pick up the toy. "Well someone is going to need a bath before Sammy gets him back." she noted.

"I have a load of laundry to do. I can stick it right in the washer along with the rest." Karen said.

_"Washer? Laundry? Do I look like fine lingerie to you to chuckleheadettes! I'm an Archangel of the Lord!"_  Gabriel yelled as Mary followed Karen into the house _. "Help! Mikey, Luci; they're going to put me through the spin cycle! CASTIEL!"_

* * *

"Father, I am curious. Could they be harmed if they were placed in a washing machine and washed?" Castiel asked Chuck.

Nawww. Gabriel will be fine, although I don't think he'll be too happy when he finds out that Karen Singer still uses an old fashioned wringer-washer." Chuck said unconcerned. "I might just have to pop down for that. Maybe going through the wringer will squeeze his ego down to a manageable size."

_"Dad this isn't funny!"_  Gabriel yelled as he was tossed back and forth inside the washing machine.  _"I'm drowning here!"_

_"Stop being melodramatic, Gabriel. You're not drowning, just getting a bath."_  Castiel said as he watched the washing machine.  _"Father assured me that you will be just fine."_

_"It's not fair! Mickey and Luci don't have to go through this!"_ Gabriel complained _._

_I think Lucifer would gladly take your place right now."_ Castiel informed him.  _"Sam just toddled into the bathroom and stuffed him in the toilet headfirst."_

_"Well he is a shithead most of the time."_ Gabriel said.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never seen a wringer washer there's a picture of one at this link http://s2.hubimg.com/u/5436951_f260.jpg


	5. Bobby and John are kids at heart

"You might want to stay here till I give you the okay." Bobby told John as he shut off the engine to his 1970 Chevelle. "Rufus can be a bit 'touchy'."

John watched as Bobby got out of the car and slowly made his way toward the house with his hands up. A loud gunshot cracked through the air as Bobby stopped.

"What the hell do you want Singer?" A voice called out the window.

"Now Rufus, is that any way to greet company." Bobby reached inside his jacket and pulled out a bottle. "Especially when I'm carrying a fifth of Johnny Walker Blue."

"Well why didn't you say so in the first place?" The door opened to reveal a grinning dark face.

Bobby motioned to John who joined him in making their way into the house.

"So what brings you to darken my door this time Bobby?" Rufus asked as he got three glasses from a cupboard and sat them on the table.

"That old ford pickup you got rusting out back." Bobby turned to John. "This is a friend of mine, John Winchester. He's probably the best restoration mechanic in the Midwest. He's hunting for a clutch assembly like the one you got going to waste on that clunker."

"Well the damned thing hasn't run in 15 years. You want it fine you have to pull it." Rufus said. "And you take a bunch of stuff down to Goodwill for me while you're at it."

* * *

"What is all this crap?" Bobby asked looking around at the boxes in the basement.

"Old toys, old clothes, old crap. I sure as hell don't need it." Rufus said. "So you two get it out of here, and you can pull that part with my blessing for free."

"Well John, feel like making a run to Goodwill?" Bobby asked.

"Why not?" John said picking up a box and heading toward the steps.

"Hold on a sec!" Bobby said as he pulled out a box that was labeled Rock em Sock em Robots. "Bet the boys will love this one when they get older."

John grinned. "I haven't seen this in years. We should probably make sure it works."

"Good idea." Bobby opened the box and pulled the toy out setting it on the table. Bobby pushed the button making the red robot punch the blue robot whose head popped up an inch.

 _"So that's what we do."_  Naomi (the red robot) laughed.  _"That's a good look for you Gadreel. I knocked your block off."_

 _"That hurt!"_  Gadreel replied only to feel his head pushed back in place by John who then pushed the button to make Gadreel punch Naomi knocking her head up an inch.

 _"How's that feel sister?"_  Gadreel asked.

Bobby reset Naomi's head and the two began playing in earnest, best two out of three. When they finished their round Rufus joined in taking on the winner. The three spent the entire afternoon playing with the toy not knowing that they were making two angels beat the snot out of each other.


	6. GI Joe and Malibu Barbie

"Thank you so much for watching Charlie for us." Mrs. Bradbury said. "I was at my wit's end wondering what to do. She really didn't know Aunt Helen, so taking her to the funeral doesn't make much sense. She wouldn't understand what was happening."

"We're happy to have her, and she and Dean get along so well." Mary said.

"We'll be back Sunday afternoon." Mrs. Bradbury said before turning to give Charlie a hug. "Be good for Mr. and Mrs. Winchester sweetheart."

Mary waved at the woman one last time as she got into the car with her husband. "Well you got here just in time. I was about to fix lunch for Dean. I hope you like Peanut butter and grape jelly."

"Yes ma'am." The little girl replied holding her Malibu Barbie doll.

"Why don't you go into the living room and play with Dean? I'll call you when lunch is ready." Mary said giving the girl a smile.

Lucifer and Michael feeling battered and bruised from the constant banging against each other that Dean was putting them through immediately went on the alert at the grace they sensed from the little girl's doll.

_"So it's true! Father punished the archangels too."_

_"Anna."_  Michael greeted curtly.

 _"Michael!"_  The seraph gasped as she recognized the other archangel in the room.  _"And Lucifer!"_

 _"Yeah the Gruesome Twosome is together again."_  Lucifer snorted.  _"Wait until Sammy wakes up and we become the Three Stooges."_

 _"Three Stooges?"_ She questioned.

 _"Gabriel is a stuffed platypus with wings."_  Michael said.  _"He looks ridiculous."_

 _"And how is that is different from normal again?"_ Lucifer asked.

* * *

"But Dean they have to be dressed this way to fight." Charlie insisted.

Anna and Gabriel chuckled at the commander of the host and the devil. Charlie had dressed them both up like escapes from The Princess Bride. The two most powerful of God's angels were scowling waiting for the next indignity they would be subjected to.

"But why do they have to be dressed like this?" Dean asked, not exactly happy that his GI Joes where now dressed in tights.

"Because silly! The winner has to kiss Princess Malibu Barbie!" Charlie said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 _"Oh hell no!"_  Lucifer yelled.

 _"I concede victory to you, brother!"_  Michael insisted.

 _"Ewww! Gross!"_  Anna complained.

 _"Thank Dad, I'm a platypus!"_  Gabriel roared with laughter.

 


	7. Don't get between Sam and his Pattypus

"You know Mary; you need to wean that boy off that thing." Samuel said. "He's too big to be dragging that ugly thing around 24/7. He's three for God's sake!"

 _"Who are you calling ugly, Mr. Potatohead?"_  Gabriel grumbled, offended.  _"I've seen better looking mugs in the freak show!"_

 _"Gabriel, as I recall, you were the one who messed with Father's design and created the damned thing then laughed at how ugly it was."_ Lucifer recalled.

 _"Lucifer has a valid point. As I recall Father wasn't too happy about it."_  Michael said.  _"I believe that your form is Father's idea of making the punishment fit the crime."_

 _"Yeah well Sammy doesn't think I'm ugly. He takes me everywhere he goes."_ Gabriel countered. _"Unlike the two of you who get stuck on a shelf until the weekend rolls around."_

 _"That is because Dean attends school and taking toys is not appropriate."_ Castiel offered.

"Dad he just turned three today." Mary said as she picked Sam up. "He'll grow out of it in time."

"Pattypus." Sam said trying to reach down to pick up his toy.

Samuel reached down and picked the plushie up carrying it over and stuffing it into the toy box. "He can do without it for now. He'll forget all about it when we get to Plucky's"

"Ha-ha!" Lucifer laughed.  _"Talk about us getting stuck on a shelf! Grandpa Campbell just stuffed you in a dark box!"_

"PATTYPUS! Want Pattypus!" Sam screamed as Samuel took him from Mary.

"You can have it when you get back." Samuel said. "You're going to get presents today, Sammy. It's your birthday. You'll probably get something better than that ratty thing."

* * *

John walked in the door of Plucky Pennywhistles with a less than happy Sam. Although he has stopped screaming the waterworks continued. That was the moment that Plucky Pennywhistle himself decided to make an appearance.

"What's this?" The clown said startling Sam. "No sad faces and tears allowed here! This is Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie!"

"We have reservations for a birthday party." Mary said holding on to a cranky Dean's hand. "Little Sammy is three today."

"Well we can't have the birthday boy crying at his own party!" The clown said making a funny face that caused Sam's quiet tears to switch to loud screams while he clung to John. This only made the clown try harder and Sam to get louder.

Dean suddenly lashed out and kicked the clown. "Leave Sammy alone you stupid clown!"

Suddenly a manager who looked entirely too young to be managing himself, much less a restaurant arrived and took charge of the situation. "Plucky, maybe you should go over by the Skeeball machines? There's a bunch of kids over there that want to meet you."

"Thank you, Alfie?" John said reading the young man's name tag. "Sam is just cranky and he's never been too fond of clowns."

"Well I have to admit I didn't recognize him without his platypus." Alfie said. "Maybe he just misses it?"

"You know, I think you're right." John agreed. "Mary why don't you take Dean over to the table, I see the Bradbury's are there with Charlie. And Sammy and I will go home and get Pattypus. How's that sound Tiger?"

"Pattypus?" Sam said sniffling.

"Yeah we'll go get him and then come back for your party." John said then glared at Samuel when the man started to open his mouth. "Look I know you mean well but Sam and Dean are my children, not yours. And if having his platypus makes him happy then he can have his platypus!"

Samuel stood speechless as John and Sam left the restaurant to go home and retrieve the toy.

 _"Thank you for your intervention, Samandriel."_  Castiel said.


	8. Operation

"Dean is demanding to have his birthday party at home this time." Castiel said. "He believes that Plucky Pennywhistle was mean to Sam."

Chuck chuckled. "Looking out for his baby brother; I'm pleased that trait carried over to this reality. Samandriel will keep watch over Zachariah and the others. But tell me, how are my archangels doing?"

"Lucifer and Michael are bored most of the time because Dean leaves them on the shelf unless he is playing with Sam or Charlie." Castiel noted. "Sam however has become quite attached to Gabriel calling him 'Pattypus' and refusing to sleep unless he has Gabriel tucked in next to him."

"Good, I didn't intend for Gabriel's punishment to be as harsh as the others." Chuck said. "After all even when he ran away he still performed much of his heavenly function by punishing the wicked."

"Father I'm sure that you did not call me here simply to report on the status of my archangel brothers." Castiel ventured.

"You're correct. I called you here because there is one archangel that has been missing the past few years." Chuck agreed. "Raphael will be arriving for Dean's birthday. I'm sure that will shake things up."

* * *

"John, did you get the cake?" Mary asked as she heard the front door open.

John entered the kitchen with the cake box in hand along with a brown wrapped parcel. "I did and I ran into the mailman out front. This is for Dean from Bobby and Karen." John said setting the parcel down on the table next to Sam who was eating carrot sticks.

"Hey kiddo." John said as he ruffled Sam's hair. "You're too young to be eating healthy have a little junk food now and then."

Sam bit into a carrot stick. "But it's yummy!"

"How are you even my kid?" John teased. "Meat and potatoes, Sammy. That's a man's meal."

"John stop teasing him and go start the grill." Mary said swatting her husband with a dish towel. "The Bradburys will be here soon and Dean can't wait to open his presents. Why don't you let him open that one now? It might keep him busy for a while."

* * *

"Hey tiger! A whole eight years old huh?" John said as he entered Dean's room and held out the parcel.

Michael and Lucifer both grunted as they landed on the floor dropped in favor of the mysterious package.

 _"Damn careless cockroach!"_  Lucifer said.

 _"Luce, it's grace."_  Michael noted.  _"Can you feel it?"_

 _"Oh crap!_   _Who else do we get stuck with?"_ Lucifer grumbled _. "It's bad enough that Bradbury girl keeps making us kiss Anael!"_

Dean had by now made his way through the brown paper and was pulling off the bright wrapping paper to reveal a box labeled "Operation".

As soon as it was completely unwrapped, Lucifer burst into laughter.  _"Welcome to the madhouse Raph!"_

Sammy had at that moment toddled into the room clutching his ever present 'Pattypus'. Gabriel also burst out laughing

_"Oh bro are you in for a shock!"_

John opened the box and laid the game out on the floor in front of Dean. "Oh this should be fun!" John inserted the batteries and began putting the pieces in their proper places. "Okay Dean here you go. You have to use the tweezers to take out the different body parts without touching the side."

"Why can't I touch the sides?" Dean asked.

 _"Wait for it."_  Gabriel cackled.

"Well because this happens John said touching the metal of the tweezers to the side of the opening for the bread basket. A buzzing sound was heard as Raphael's light bulb nose lit up like Rudolph's at Christmas time.

When Raphael's screams died down, Gabriel and Lucifer were laughing uncontrollably and even Michael was fighting a smile.

_"Told you so!"_


	9. Show and tell

_"Ohhhhhhhhh, the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round carrying us to school!"_

_"Gabriel, for the love of Father, shut up_!" Lucifer growled.  _"You have the voice of an angel and that is not a compliment. Your singing reminds me of nails on a blackboard!"_

 _"Oh come on Luci, join in."_  Gabriel ordered cheerfully. " _The wheels on the bus go round and round…"_

Lucifer growled and sent up a prayer asking why he had to be the one stuck going to school with five year old Sam and Gabriel for show and tell. Lucifer almost wished that Sam was Michael's vessel for once. Michael was safely sitting back at the Winchester house on a shelf in Dean's bedroom while Lucifer was being tortures by Gabriel's singing. What was worse; he was on his way to Kindergarten where he would be surrounded by snot nosed little abominations. Father knew that this should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

* * *

Kindergarten was just as bad as Lucifer thought it would be. Germy little flawed abortions groping him and passing him around impressed with the 'big boy' toy Sam had brought. Gabriel on the other hand was having the time of his existed being cuddled and hugged by the nasty little creatures.

 _"Hey Gabe, you've got snot hanging from your pinfeathers."_  Lucifer said just to be unpleasant.

 _"You're just jealous Bro,"_  Gabriel smirked _. "They love the Pattypus!"_

The two archangels suddenly quieted as a little girl was ushered into the room by the principal.

"Class this is Jessica Moore." The Principal said urging the little girl forward. "Say hello Jessica."

The little blonde girl shyly waved her hands at the other kids the Rainbow Brite doll she was carrying flopping along with the movement.

Lucifer suddenly started laughing.  _"Isn't that Bartholomew?"_

 _"Yes it is!"_  Gabriel said.  _"Hey Bart! Don't you look colorful today? You make a good little girl's doll!"_

Little Jessica was still standing shyly at the front of the room when Sam made his way over to her. "Hi, I'm Sam and this is Pattypus." Sam said shyly. "You want to help me do the puzzle?" Sam pointed at the large wooden dinosaur puzzle he had been working on.

Jessica gave him a shy smile. "I'm Jess, I think puzzles are fun."

 _"Aww look at the little kiddie lovebirds!"_  Gabriel cooed.  _"You know what this means Luci?"_

 _"Yes, bad enough we have to put up with Anael, now we have to put up with Bartholomew too!"_  Lucifer grumbled _. "Pain in my ass Seraphs, miniature abominations; I was better off in the damned cage! At least it was peaceful!"_


	10. Time for an upgrade

"Are you sure sweetie?" Mary asked as Sam handed her his stuffed platypus. It was obvious that the toy was well loved.

"I'm a big boy now Mommy, right?" Sam said. "I even have a big boy bed like Dean. Pattypus is a baby toy; Dean says baby toys belong in the attic."

"Well if you say it's time for pattypus to go to the attic; he goes to the attic." John said lifting the box of old toys, clothes and bedding.

Mary gave her son a smile and picked up the new Thor sheets and made up Sammy's new twin bed.

* * *

"Well, it looks like the boys have outgrown you already." Chuck said as he appeared in the attic. "I guess it's time to upgrade you!"

"Upgrade?" Lucifer whined. "Come on! Haven't we suffered enough?"

"Good question, I'll answer it with a question of my own. What have you learned?" Chuck asked.

"Uh, the spin cycle makes us dizzy?" Gabriel spoke with the voice of experience. After all he had lost count of the number of times he had been tossed in the washing machine.

"I don't like kissing Aneal?" Michael ventured.

"Kissing Anna I can handle! I don't like when that Moore girl makes me kiss Bartholomew!" Lucifer gagged.

Chuck shook his head. "What else have you learned?"

"It's not fair that we are powerless against these indignities!" Raphael yelled from across the room where he sat on an old dresser. "We are archangels!"

A chuckle could be heard coming from a box labeled Christmas decorations followed by "Looks like you archangels will be hanging around a bit longer."

"Shut up Balthazar!" Lucifer said.

"Oh come on, the lesson is simple." Balthazar added from his box. "You high and mighty archangels don't get it because…"

Chuck waved his hand silencing whatever Balthazar was about to say. "It seems that Balthazar has figured it out before you. But I want you to each learn the lesson personally, no cheating."

Chuck snapped his fingers and Castiel appeared in the attic. "Father you wished to see me?"

"Yes, it seems that the lesson is still lost on your brothers, however the Winchesters have outgrown them." Chuck stroked his beard deep in thought. "It seems that they will need different forms, what interests the boys now?"

"Dean shows a keen interest in something called Little League where young humans play baseball." Cas noted.

"Yes perfect!" Chuck smiled. "A baseball, a bat and a glove; that covers Michael, Lucifer and Raphael; now what to do with Gabriel?"

"What about a jock strap?" Lucifer added helpfully.

"I believe that Sam enjoys soccer." Castiel said frowning at Lucifer.

"Then a soccer ball it is!" Chuck said. "Enjoy your downtime boys, it won't last very long."


	11. Dean you suck!

_“So, your brains still scrambled Wilson?”_ Lucifer (The baseball bat) asked Gabriel (the soccer ball). 

 _“Wilson was a volleyball, dumbass!”_ Gabriel replied still trying to get his stomach to settle after being kicked all over the backyard of the Winchester home by Sam and Dean.

 _“Volleyball, soccer ball; you all look the same to me.”_ Lucifer snarked as he watched John tossing Michael (the baseball) into the air.

There was a loud and annoying series of _“oofs!”_ as Dean punched his hand into the mitt (Raphael) several times before settling down into a crouch, ready to catch the ball John tossed at him.

 _“Thank you Father!”_ Raphael said as the ball missed the mitt and rolled between Dean’s feet.  Dean hurried to chase it down and throw it back to his father.

 _“Uh oh!”_ Gabriel snorted as Michael went sailing over John’s head and through the kitchen window.

The loud crash of breaking glass was immediately followed by a splash and Mary’s yell of alarm.  Mama Winchester soon appeared on the porch glaring at John and carrying a soaking wet Michael dripping soap suds all over the porch.

“Do you realize that this ball just landed in the sink while I was washing mom’s good china?” Mary yelled.  “You just broke her old English teapot!  It’s irreplaceable!”

John sheepishly looked at his wife.  “Sorry?”

“You will be!” Mary huffed.  “You get to be the one to tell her how it got broke!”  Mary turned to go back into the house then stopped.  “Oh by the way, baseball is banned in the backyard!  Take it to the park where innocent windows aren’t at risk.”

Lucifer was full out laughing.  _“I guess this means I duck the abuse today!  Daddy Winchester has a window to fix.”_

Gabriel squeaked as he found himself lifted in Sam’s arms.  “It’s okay Dean, we can play soccer today and I’ll go play baseball at the park with you tomorrow.  You need more practice at baseball anyway, you suck!”


	12. Take me out to the ballgame

It’s not easy to startle an angel; you’d almost have to be God himself.  Considering the seat in the bleachers next to Castiel was suddenly occupied by Chuck with a lapful of hot dogs, pizza, and Cracker Jacks; his flinch was more than understandable.

“Father, what are you doing here?” Castiel asked.

“Well it occurred to me that I was not exactly being a good father.” Chuck took a sip of his beer.  “I have never been to a single one of my sons’ many games!”

“You do understand that they are the equipment and as such unable to demonstrate any prowess for you to praise.” Castiel said dryly.

“They are still in the game, and they won’t be embarrassed by being relegated to the bench.”  Chuck said.  “I’m just sorry I didn’t think of this during Soccer season, I missed out on all of Gabriel’s games.”

“Considering Sam’s recent growth spurt, you did not miss much.  Sam’s longer limbs are quite ungainly. He ended up benched halfway through the season.” Castiel noted.  “He is however planning on trying out for basketball next year.”

“Well then! I’ll make it up to him when basketball season starts.” Chuck said brightly.  Since the soccer ball isn’t really needed anymore, I’ll drop a hint to Singer that a basketball would be a wonder birthday present for Sam.”

The two celestial beings sat up straighter as Dean walked out with the rest of the team taking their places on the field.  “I still don’t get why so many people follow this game professionally, I find it almost as boring as Nascar.” Chuck commented.

“It is considered an American sport; I have surmised that it may be a case of national pride.” Castiel said.

“Hush now, the game is starting and Lucifer is at bat.” Chuck chided.

“Lucifer is not at bat Father, he is the bat.” Castiel corrected.

“Close enough for government work as they say.” Chuck said as Dean swung the bat connecting and sending the ball flying over the fence deep in left field.

“That’s my boy!” Chuck said proudly as Dean dropped the bat on the ground and rounded the bases for a homerun.


	13. Welcome to Nintendo Land

"Oh for Father's sake!" Lucifer yelled. "What humiliation does he have in store for us now? And why am I wearing green overalls to match your red ones?"

Lucifer gestured at Michael and noticed that along with his red overalls; Michael was wearing a matching cap with the letter M. Already knowing what he would find he reached up and snatched the green cap bearing a letter L off of his own head.

"Well at least we aren't pink marshmallows." Michael said as Gabriel who was indeed shaped like a pink marshmallow floated in humming merrily.

"Hey bros!" Gabriel said as he bounced gently on the cloud. "You guys ready to have a little fun?"

"Fun? And how exactly are we supposed to have fun this time?" Lucifer snarled. "I mean we've had so much fun so far; as dolls, and baseballs, and bats."

"Nintendo doofus! Dad stuck us in Nintendo world." Gabriel explained. "Classic Nintendo 64 games."

"So why do you look like a fat pink marshmallow?" Michael asked giving his little brother a poke to see if he felt as squishy as he looked.

"I'm Kirby. Sam had to have a game that Mary thought was kid friendly." Gabriel said. "He's only seven after all."

"You and kid friendly in the same sentence is an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp." Lucifer snorted. "Wait you are the size of a shrimp with a jumbo ego."

Michael fought down a laugh. "Truer words have not been spoken of our little brother."

"Well if you think that's funny wait till you get a load of Raphael. Right now he's begging Dad to let him be King Koopa instead of Princess Toadstool."

"Who are these King Koopa and Princess Toadstool characters?" Michael asked.

"They're from Super Mario Brothers. It's probably the most popular game on Nintendo. It's about the adventures of Mario, which I'm thinking is you Mikey; and his brother Luigi which would be Luci as they try to save Princess Toadstool from the evil King Koopa." Gabriel said. "But there is one thing missing." Gabriel looked up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "HEY DAD, DON'T FORGET THE PORNSTACHES!"


	14. Frogger

Zachariah looked at Uriel. Uriel looked at Metatron. Metatron looked at Zachariah.

The three all opened their mouths at the same time; each intending to comment upon the altered appearance of the other. What came from their mouths was a chorus of startled croaks.

The three all gave each other confused stares and fell silent. After a moment they heard the sound of rushing water and countless cars.

Zachariah suddenly hopped off in the direction of the sound of traffic. Zachariah found himself standing on the side of a busy street.

"What in father's name?!" Zachariah questioned before he found himself hopping forward into the oncoming traffic He only made a couple of hops before he felt himself being squished flat by a tire.

It was but seconds before Uriel found himself alongside the same road to suffer the same fate. Metatron soon also ended up squished.

* * *

 

"Samandriel, I appear to have run out of quarters." Castiel said. "Is it possible to receive quarters in exchange for this five dollar bill?"

"Of course brother." Samandriel said as he counted out the change. "But what do you need change for?"

"I find myself growing quite partial to Frogger." Castiel said as he headed back to the old video game tucked in the corner. "I'm back assbutts."


End file.
